Keeping the Romance Alive During Pregnancy

Truth: During pregnancy, you and your partner have to put in work to strengthen your relationship, even if the romance has to look a little different. Sharing something so special pulled my husband and me even closer together. Through all the added stress, we had to learn better communication and how to recognize when we each needed a little extra.

One thing I was really focused on was being connected to the experience together. Even though I was going through the taxing physical symptoms of the first trimester, it didn’t even feel real to ME that I was going to be a mom, let alone to my husband that he was going to be a dad. At that point, I had no bump, just a bunch of exhaustion, gagging, and feelings that I didn’t know what to do with. It was really important to me that both of us could start to feel connected to the teeny tiny human we created. I think he really got how important it was to learn about my symptoms when I was puking, and he showed up at the bathroom door trying to get me to eat chicken and rice. I’ve never seen him more confused and terrified than after I barked at him wondering how he possibly thought I could eat that! I had a couple pregnancy tracker apps, so I found some apps for my husband to download too. His dad app helped him understand what was happening with me and the baby every week. We also had the What to Expect book from my mom. Finally, he came to all my appointments, and beforehand, we would come up with questions for the doctor together. These things helped me feel supported and got him involved and connected, even before he could feel the baby’s kicks.

When I was about four months along, I read in an article that a dad’s experience of pregnancy is pretty much all about the pressure to provide, and this was so true for Mike! We already knew about Dave Ramsey (if you don’t, research his life-changing baby steps to financial freedom), but to alleviate some of that stress, we mapped out how many hours of OT he should work, wrote out a budget, and started having “budget meetings” so that we made sure we stayed on track. We still have our weekly budget meetings now, and it has saved us so many money fights that a lot of married couples struggle with. Come on, you don’t think budgeting is sexy? Lol

Speaking of sexy, rest in PEACE to your normal sex life, pregnant mama. People always joke about how having kids kills sex. Whether you’re too tired or just uncomfortable down there, it definitely starts with pregnancy. There are some lucky people who avoid this, but this was true for us because I was put on pelvic rest for almost my entire second trimester. We had to find other ways to feel close and share affection. Every night, we would have tummy time. Mike would butter up the belly for stretch mark prevention purposes, and then we’d cuddle up in bed and feel the baby kicks until falling asleep. Myles was super active around 9-10 every night, so it was literally a standing snuggle session. You might miss out on some things, but there are so many other ways to share your love.

Pelvic rest also meant I wasn't supposed to do any strenuous exercise or lifting. Mike basically had to do EVERYTHING. I couldn’t carry the laundry downstairs or bend to get it all in the dryer. I couldn’t grab groceries/40 pound bags of dog food for our giant pups. I couldn’t handle walking them either. He totally took over. I wasn’t even cooking dinner anymore because I was dead after work every day. He had a really physically exhausting job and worked 10-12 hour days in the heat, so I felt guilty about this. Obviously, he never made me feel bad; I put that on myself and was frustrated I couldn’t go about my normal activities. I tried to keep up with the small stuff like packing him lunch so he didn’t feel like I totally forgot him, but my only job at that point was to sit back and say thank you. This was a huge lesson for me that was prepping me for one of the truths of motherhood: you are 100% going to need help. I’m definitely glad I learned that early on, because at the end he even had to lift me off the toilet when I got stuck because of sciatic nerve pain. Oh the joys, am I right?

Like I said, you will both have to work harder at your relationship. Find those magical moments and soak them in together. Baby kicks, ultrasounds, reading about what’s happening with your unborn child, daydreaming about who they might be - those things will become your romance when you’re not up for exciting date nights anymore. Don’t totally throw your care for your person out the window. Remember pregnancy is not an excuse to be mean. Show your appreciation for the extra help your partner is (or should be) giving you. Pregnancy strips you down to your truest self, and if you are with the right person, they will love you even more through the journey. Use the time to grow together. Get your finances in order. Talk about what kind of parents you want to be. Thank each other for the hard work you are doing, and don’t forget the snuggles.

Thank you, Michael for being my rock!

#truthmom