Planned Pregnancy Turned Scandal: Young Mom Judgement

Truth: I’m young, my baby was NOT an accident, and I don’t need to justify that to anyone. I got a lot of heat for getting pregnant at a young age. No one could believe I would choose that, and I don’t think they believed I could handle it. This scrutiny is challenging, but I overcame it, and so can you.

I got pregnant when I was 22 and had my baby at 23, which admittedly is a young age. It’s not young enough to be problematic, but it’s young enough to be considered…young. We had always wanted to start having babies earlier in life, if for no other reason than to not reach a certain age and still be chasing little kids around. Although, I did have other reasons.

For some context, I work a normal 9-5 at a reputable organization with thousands of other employees. I know a lot of people, and I have done pretty well there, starting at 19 and achieving a promotion each year. In that sense, I thought I had earned basic respect as a hardworking professional. However, when I got pregnant, that went out the window, and it was mostly due to my age.

When my baby bump became noticeable, which was around 13-15 weeks, people at work started to whisper and comment as I walked by. At this point, it was just harmless speculation. I didn’t feel the need to make a formal announcement because it was really no one’s business, so naturally, people were wondering. I had already told my boss, and that just about completed my need-to-know list. Finally, people began to ask me indirectly or rudely glance at my stomach, and I’d just confirm that I was pregnant. Actually, one time, I told a lady I’d gained weight from eating way too much. Needless to say she was as uncomfortable as she had made me. (Don’t get me started on the body comments – that’s a whole other post!)

As the news slowly started breaking in this fashion, it became like a scandal. I never anticipated so many opinions coming in, but BOY did they keep coming. Some flat out asked me my age and commented how young I was, as if I didn’t know. Others oh so lovingly double checked if I was *ready* to be a mom; you know, how all nervous expectant mothers want to be questioned. One person’s first question to me was: was this planned?! People also knew I had recently gotten married and speculated that this was the reason, even though we’d been planning it for over a year. Oh, THAT’S why she got married this young. It all makes sense now.

When I look back on this and think of the anxiety it caused, and how I dreaded walking to the bathroom past gaggles of pathetic 40-something mean girls, I really resent that I didn’t stand up for myself more. I didn’t know how to handle these questions/comments, and I certainly didn’t want to just pop off and be seen as this crazy hormonal pregnant girl. So, I smiled through it and brushed it off, stewing over it and wishing I’d said more later.

I felt like I had to prove I would be a good parent, and I think that’s why these comments hurt so much. I felt they were insinuating that because I was young, me raising a baby or my general future would be a sh** show. I wanted to tell them: but I make [this much] money, I have my own place, I’m married, I got my degree, I’m responsible! I felt that all of these things might make them see that I could do it. But I never said anything like that, and quite frankly I am glad now that I didn’t.

It’s not my job to justify my choices to anyone. They can think what they want. And truly, at some point, I believed in myself after repeating my clapback speech in my head so many times. We were also really blessed to have support from our families, so at least the judgement only lasted during normal business hours!

If you are going through this, I know it’s already hard to just show up during a time as emotionally and physically challenging as pregnancy. To have people constantly grilling you makes it ten times harder. Please, please know, it’s not you. It’s them. It’s not your fault you aren’t living your life exactly the way they did.

How old am I? Really, Karen? You’re old enough to know not to ask a lady her age. But if you must know, I'm old enough to get paid more than you. *Drops mic*

#truthmom