Tired As A Mother: Waking up in 2021

Truth: I’ve had an epiphany that I have been heading toward for a while: I am sorely neglecting myself. Physically and emotionally, I am just not taking care of myself. But, I'm making a promise to myself today to change that!

A Day in The Life

The day I wrote this began when I got up with my son at 6:30 am. I snuggled him, played with him, gave him breakfast and somehow made it to nap #1 after scarfing down a PB sandwich. What did I do during nap time? Well, I undecorated the Christmas tree and got everything ready to go back into storage (temporary apartment problems). When he woke up, I played with him, got him lunch and ate something quick for myself. Then I folded 2 loads of laundry, got another one ready to go in the wash and fed the dog.

When it came time for nap #2, I was dead. I made some coffee and realized I had done what I always end up doing. It was 3:00 and I had barely eaten, barely drank any water (if at all), hadn’t brushed my teeth or changed my clothes and was already thinking about the next thing that needed to be accomplished. I ran the folded clothes around to their proper drawers, started marinating chicken for dinner and sat down to put in our weekly grocery order, mad at myself for looking and feeling like crap.

I am tired. I am drained. I don’t eat enough, drink enough, sleep enough or exercise enough. If you really want to get gross, I don’t even make enough time to be as hygienic as I want to be. Then came the realization. I don’t have to feel like this. So, why DO I keep feeling like this? Would life go on if I didn’t do all of these things? Sure. Would anything bad happen if I asked for help? Nope. After really contemplating my life, I realized that I’m the reason I hate it sometimes. I am the only one that can truly fix my problem. I have to stop putting my entire family, dog included, before my own health and happiness, because I cannot keep trying to pour from an empty cup. I’ll end up looking and feeling like I’m 50 by the time I’m 25.

Does this sound familiar? If you’re a mom of one or more young kids, I bet you feel this way or have felt this way at some point in your journey. There is so much on our shoulders just being Mom and Wife. Add Employee and Student into the mix and I am muttering “God help me” all day long and meaning it.

What to Do Next

So, how can we help ourselves? I have come up with a few goals for the new year that might be helpful to you, too.

1. Go to sleep and wake up earlier. Specifically, I want to go to bed early enough that I can comfortably wake up around 6:15 every morning to get hopefully an hour+ to myself until my son wakes up. I think it will really help to not be “needed” as SOON as I open my eyes every day. In my morning times, I’ll strive to always do something healthy for myself (read, PT exercises, cup of tea), make my bed, then shower and get ready. I am trying to take a page out of @TheSouthernishMama book! This is super basic, but I think if I have a morning routine, I can feel a sense of peace and order during the day ahead.

2. Ask for help. I am a do-er, and a bit of a control freak. So, if I see something that needs to be done, I jump on it! I keep thinking I will feel at peace if my house is clean and things are organized, but that really just makes me obsessive over the inevitable messes that come with raising a little boy and having pets. But guess what I also have? A perfectly capable husband! A husband who also cannot read my mind. I need to ask for help more so that he can share the load. I also need to get help in the sense of therapy to FINALLY deal with the lingering PPD and anxiety I can’t kick by myself. And lastly, in terms of seeking help, I need to allow people to watch my son so I can have a break. I am never away from my baby, except for when I go to PT and leave him with his dad or do a quick run to the store. I know our family members are perfectly capable of watching him, but I get so stuck in our routine and worrying about him that I can’t bring myself to ever ask people to take him. When people have watched him, it has been a max of 4 hours. This anxiety is getting even worse now that COVID cases are spiking again. But, what I’m realizing is that it’s really not normal for me to work from home WITH MY CHILD every day and basically spend every waking moment with him… Other moms use daycares, babysitters and family members, and they seem to have a healthier life outside their babies. I need to take some steps toward this, even if it’s just committing to a twice a month date night and getting the grandparents more involved. I mean, he DOES have 8 grandparents.

3. Learn how to relax. Maybe some of #2, like going to therapy can help with this, because I really don’t know how to just calm down. I constantly have a to-do list running through my head that I stress about until everything is done – but “everything” can’t ever get done at once. I need to learn how to just plop down somewhere and really let it go, rather than getting on my phone and silently panicking that my child just smashed a blueberry into the ground and I should be cleaning it up… There will always be some kind of mess, and I have to be okay with it and still prioritize my self-care despite having other things to do.

Truth Mom Tribe, say it with me: I am important, and I deserve to feel rested and at peace. I do not have to be moving and cleaning and “doing” every second of every day. I can prioritize myself and still be an amazing mama and spouse, because my happiness goes hand-in-hand with theirs. I will own my health in every way, and I will prioritize my self-care in every way. I will find my peace, happiness and confidence in 2021.

We can do this! If you want to embark on this journey with me, leave a comment so I know I have accountability partners. J It’s always going to be hard, but it doesn’t have to be this hard, and it definitely doesn’t have to be lonely.

#truthmom