Birth Story - Part 2

Truth: Every moment of the pain is worth it when you get to hold your baby... But seriously, the pain is REAL. I never thought I'd beg someone to stab me in the back, but there I was!

The Epidural

Finally, the magical epidural man arrived. Getting an epidural had been one of my biggest fears about birth, but I was in so much pain, I would've done anything to make it stop. You can only have one person with you during this process, and your support person is not allowed to hold you. You have to lean all the way forward with a nurse holding you and push out your spine so that they can see where to insert the needle. Before they do anything, they give you a local anesthetic. That pinched and burned slightly, but it was nothing compared to contractions. Once he started to try to place the epidural, it took several attempts. I kept asking if I’d still be numb before he tried again. Numb is also a very loose term. I could feel the needle clicking around in my back; it was really strange but not painful. Because positioning is so key for an epidural, we had to keep stopping because I was having such bad contractions I couldn’t sit still. I could tell Mike was getting pissed off they couldn't help me faster. After 30 minutes, he got the right spot and put in the line. It took another 20 ish minutes to kick in.

Laboring with my Peanut

I got all positioned back into bed, and my nurse came back. She made a comment about how everything was soaked and changed the padding on the bed. Well, yeah! I’m leaking baby juice, lady! She put in my catheter, which you have to have if you get an epidural. Don’t overthink this; it shouldn't hurt. Then, she brought in a peanut ball to go between my legs, which had started to get really heavy and hard to move. She positioned me on my side and said it was important for me to stay there so that the baby could come down faster. Coincidentally or not, she made me face away from my family the entire time moving forward. Mike stood on the other side with me, and his mom & step dad showed up for more support and were talking with my mom behind me.

Things were so much easier with the epidural. I couldn’t feel anything for a while, but I was shaking a lot and my teeth were chattering. This might’ve been from all the Pitocin or the epidural, but who knows. My nurse came in to check me what felt like a while later, and she said I was at a 10 and ready to push. This made sense, as I was starting to feel pressure and discomfort even with the miracle drug. We started to prepare to push. She had me do one or two even before she called my doctor. This is when things got even more frustrating with her.

Time to Push

Obviously, this was my first time pushing out a baby, and she was a terrible teacher. She kept loudly repeating, “You’re not listening to me, Natalie,” and “No noise, no noise,” without offering other advice. I was so done at this point I couldn’t just brush it off anymore. I snapped that even though she did this every day, this was my first time having a baby, and what did she mean I’m not listening to her? She just repeated that again. Finally, my doctor came in along with a few other nurses; some for the baby and a nursing student to help me push. My doctor was awesome and I was relieved to see him. He calmly explained to me what to do, reminding me of how to breathe when pushing. He also asked me to try not to make noise if I could, much more nicely than the nurse did. I learned later that this is to keep your pelvic floor relaxed; when you breathe in, your pelvic floor relaxes. Making noise means you are slightly breathing out and can tighten up.

We all got into position. Mike held one of my legs, the nursing student held the other, and my mom was standing next to the doctor watching everything (literally) unfold. It was go-time! And guess what? My labor and delivery nurse was nowhere to be found. Even my doctor was frustrated. She was supposed to watch the monitor to tell me when to push since usually you can’t feel contractions with an epidural. I, however, could feel the pressure each time and knew when I needed to push, so I took charge and started telling them. Breathe in and out, then breathe in, hold it, and push with all your might. My doctor was coaching me, and for each next push, I was getting stronger and stronger. I got the hang of it without anyone yelling at me. Wow, what a shock!

Mike kept telling me how good a job I was doing. My mom kept saying she could see him, and my doctor was saying how much hair he had! The nursing student was smiling and encouraging me while she counted to ten each push. There was finally so much good energy around me. I actually reached down to feel his head at one point, which was super slimy. The pushes felt like they never stopped. You don’t really get a break. At one point I think I told them I was going to pass out and couldn’t see, but I just had to keep going and get him out. No one tells you it’s really a full-body strain. You are squeezing up with everything you have, hanging on with your arms, pushing down, curling around your bump to just get that baby out!

A King was Born

At 2:10 pm on 12/10/19, my Myles came into this world after just 6 hours of labor and 35 minutes of pushing. He didn’t even cry right away, but we all did. It was such an amazing, emotional moment. I held him immediately and just boohoo-ed, totally overwhelmed with love. His daddy cut the cord with special gold scissors after we waited a minute or two for him to get all the nutrients that were still passing through from me. After that, I had to deliver the placenta, and they gave Myles to his dad for skin to skin. A lot of times the placenta just comes out, but I had to actually push a few more times. The doctor held it up, and I said how gross it looked! Sorry, I know it's amazing, but ew!

Everyone in the room was gushing over Myles. They were exclaiming that he was HUGE, and his head was perfect without any cone shape. I didn’t have a newborn benchmark to compare him to, but for something that just passed through my vag, yeah I agreed that he was huge! They said they knew I wanted skin to skin but begged to weigh him. I said sure! I was still being stitched up anyways, which by the way was painful even with the drugs, and I was beyond ready to be done. There was laughing at the back of the room, and someone said “Oh my God, he’s just about 10 pounds! 9 pounds, 15.3 oz, 21.5 inches long.” Then it kind of set in, like damn. I just pushed out a 10-pound baby in 35 minutes as a first-time mama. Naturally, I also felt really worried for the state of my vagina. Michael kept telling me he was so proud of me, and we were soaking in all the cuddles. After a little bit, the grandmas held him, and my nurse magically reappeared. At this point, my 48-hour hospital stay became a whirlwind of checks and bathroom trips and trying to breastfeed, which I’ll post about next week.

Reflection

My birthing experience, while routine, was by no means perfect. Most are not. I wish I had advocated for myself more by requesting a different nurse, which is something I didn’t even realize I could do in the moment. We all just wanted to maintain a calm, peaceful environment, so we weren’t trying to have conflict. We reasoned that it was just her tactic, an older nurse that knew how to get things done. I think, though, that the experience would’ve been totally different with someone that could’ve shown an ounce of compassion or warmth. I am so glad I had support from the people I love and trust to offset that kind of negativity. In the moment I met my baby, everything was worth it, and I felt empowered that I did something so amazing.

If you are getting ready to have a baby, know that your birth plan might not be followed to a T, but that is not a failure or anything that you did wrong. You absolutely have the right to protect your energy. You are vulnerable at this time, so make sure you have people to lean on. Finally, focus on the end goal. The process is hard and can be scary no matter which way you do it, but I promise when you hold your baby, you’ll realize how people do this so many times, and you’ll instantly be grateful for the experience. You should also feel like a total badass! You gave birth; you can do anything.

#truthmom